You know, I never thought I would be referring to the "good old days" so soon in my 22 years. But I find myself saying this when I think back to the 80's, when I first started watching professional wrestling. And the most prominent thing I remember is wrestling: actual wrestling. As you can tell right off the bat, I'm not a happy camper with this screwjob, ref being knocked out, interference bullshit, that only caters to those who jumped on the bandwagon just because it's popular and couldn't give a good rat's ass about the wrestling portion of the show, as long as they get to see silicone fun bags or stupid-ass promos. I've heard the catchphrases enough times already. I already know what the Rock's cooking and what the bottom line is, like I really cared to know these things in the first place. Wrestling has been so watered down, and there's very little about it that I can find worth watching.

I like to see wrestlers, not "superstars", who don't need to totally rely on mic skills or catch phrases because kicking ass and taking names in the ring is the main thing they need to justify themselves to the fans. The last of this breed seemed to be the Undertaker, and we all know what crimes he has committed on the mic because of this need by the WWF's "creative committee" to further emphasize the "entertainment" portion of the "sports-entertainment". I just shudder to think about his long Harley/ Death Valley diatribe, along with other felonies, most commited during the time from the "Ministry" bullshit on. In my opinion, there are only 6 current wrestlers who should be permitted to get the stick and rip up until their lips fall off: Jericho, Bubba and D-Von Dudley (in full-glory heel mode), Rock (when he stays away from the catchphrases), Steve Regal, and Al Snow. These are the only guys who can come out time and time again and not repeat themselves incessantly. And this list is changed at my discretion.

Of course, even with all this yakkety-yak shit we can still rely on guys like Lance Storm and Chris Benoit, who just get in there and kick ass. However, both have been AWOL for the most part because you know the show can't go on without Stephanie's tits and Vince strutting around like a grade-A asshole, for fuck's sake. :P

And the sad thing is, those whose wrestling skills suck worse than a Shop Vac have to find other ways to compensate for what they're lacking in to try to appeal to the fans, and most of them turn to the mic. Yes, you try to do the little song and dance, but do any of you still know how to get in the ring and execute a good, technical match that lasts longer than a few minutes, doesn't have run-ins galore to stall, and ends cleanly?

But for some reason, I still can't find myself tuning out completely. I guess wrestling is one of those addictive things, and you'll take it any way you can get it, even in dribs and drabs. And with the major shitfest being presented, I do still have some boys I'll tune in for and will weep when they're in shitfest angles. Those are the following: Taker, Dudleys (small amounts since they're stagnant), Kane (who's cruising around in the circles of Angle Hell for months now), and the Acolytes.

I also doubt professional wrestling will experience a rebirth, a renaissance if you prefer, for a hell of a long time. Right now, I equate this to the Dark Ages of European history for pro wrestling fans. We're going to be stuck with the same shit until it becomes a not-so-popular thing again. So, until I can get front-row tickets and be prepared with the rock salt because hell will probably have frozen over when I do, I can only propose what I would do if given a chance to play "takeover" up in Titan Towers. The below rant is what I'd do to change things if one day I take a trip (theoretical) to Connecticut in Hell on Wheels, armed with the Peacemaker and maybe one of Big Dave's kendos, and decided to take over the World Wrestling Federation. That and this includes some of my opinions on the current WWF title and spotlight situation.

 

The angles are shitty and the PPVs haven't lived up to the hype. Lord, I can count numerous angles from hell these past couple years:

 

 

And with their attempt to be in the "entertainment" biz, they are forgetting their true roots.

First and foremost, they need to begin actual wrestling again. Shove this "sports-entertainment" up your collective asses, and get back to professional wrestling. It's been forever and a day since I've seen a streak of good, sound, clean matches that have completely dazzled me (outside of a select few). And, don't be patting yourself on the backs too much because you gave us an "Iron Man" match a year ago. Christ, that was a big piece of shit. 15 minutes of the damn thing was spent standing in the ring with a staring contest. I want to see wrestling. Not bump and blading fests that end up with everyone including the announcers gushing like a geyser. No, I want wrestling that Steve Regal, the Canadians in the WWF, and Taijiri, among others, can exectute. It requires athleticism, skill, and tells a story.

Another of my bitches is the talking. RAW is one hour, 20 minutes long (minus commercials). And one hour of that is fucking talking. No wrestling, no matches- JUST FUCKING BLATHERING! It's also about nothing other than to suck up time and get your face on the TV, for the most part. In my opinion, yakking's okay as long as it really helps to push a feud and isn't just so you can get your implanted tits on TV (Stephanie...I'm looking at you.)

With all the talking, there's little in the way for wrestling. Matches get 3 minutes- tops, and they're pieces of shit; you can't execute a good match in 3 minutes. And when you make the wrestling an accessory to the storylines, you are alienating a lot of people. Not every fan is a "Johnny-Come-Lately," who hopped on the bandwagon just because someone deemed wrestling to be cool. Not every fan wants to see tons of storyline and little wrestling. Personally, if I wanted to see over-the-top drama only, I'd tune into "Days of Our Lives" and watch Stefano kidnap Marlena for the umpteenth time. A lot of us still appreciate professional wrestling for the wrestling aspect.

I'm really, really tired of the McMahon Family Hour. Take the wife and kids (especially Stephanie) and stay the hell off camera. Yeah, the McMahon thing was interesting about three years ago, but it's over. Gee, you have wrestlers: I have a novel idea for you. Since it's wrestling, how's about putting wrestlers over on the show? However, you know this is all a lofty dream since guess who has the book and feels that the fuckin' show can't stand on its own without them?

Now onto the Heavyweight (Undisputed) Championship. After more than a year of it bouncing between Rock, Austin, and HHH, it was nice to see some new guys in the mix. Angle and Jericho's reigns have been a breath of fresh air. They also helped legitimize the title once again by keeping it for an extended amount of time. However, I tend to think that they'll be falling back into their old patterns, starting with HHH at WrestleMania.

There has been some improvement with the Women's Title, starting with having women who actually wrestle having the belt. For awhile, they actually fired up the division but now it's at a standstill. Right now, they have a decent amount of women who are willing to wrestle, like Trish, Jackie, Ivory, Molly, Lita and Jazz. Add to that Nidia and Victoria (from OVW) and you have a good start to resurrect a division. I'm not expecting Japanese-level women's wrestling but they do put a lot of heart into it and can put on a good show.

And instead of surrounding your whole show with a handful of main-event wrestlers, I think there should be a good mix of main and mid- carders, and these folks getting decent airtime. This whole shit with a few particular people clogging up the TV? Nope, not in my world. Everyone would be getting a shot as long as they have something beneficial to bring to the table. After all, isn't this why they (the ones who actually have wrestling in the blood, not your marketed heroes) wanted to make the big show- so that they'd get time to show a lot of folks the craft they've been honing for years?

Also I think that the PPVs should be cut down. Now, you have 12 PPVs, which is overkill and the fact they just coast by on shitty booking leading in and during the PPV itself. They need to get back to the "Classic Five" (WrestleMania, King of the Ring, SummerSlam, Survivor Series, and the Royal Rumble) and hype these bastards big time with major angles that lead up to showdowns that bring things to a head. Make people ready to piss their pants in anticipation for the PPV. I think the wear of coming up with angles to set up matches for each PPV is finally showing with the lackluster PPVs. At least from my standpoint, they don't garner as much enthusiasm from me as they once did.

 

And now who would be getting pushed, depushed, or pink-slipped in my WWF: (list will change from time to time)

Pushes:

 

Walking Papers:

 

 

Well, this is my opinion; I could be wrong...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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